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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|